Wednesday, September 2, 2009

The Corinthians Project begins

When I get together with friends we gorge ourselves with ice cream and chocolate, sometimes see a movie and usually end up complaining about our husbands.
I have much less to complain about than most of my friends so I usually end up leaving these get-togethers feeling a bit blessed.
My husband really is fabulous. He's sensitive to my needs (sometimes), helpful with the kids (usually), a hard worker (at work- not at home) and kind to almost everyone he meets.
However, he can't walk through a room without destroying it.
After ten years of marriage he is still hasn't figured out that the whites go in the basket on the right and the darks in the basket on the left.
It took him six months to replace our doorbell.
He hasn't bought me a just-because gift in YEARS (although he does make me beautiful cards which I adore.)
He has ADD- need I say more?
His idea of spending quality time with me is what he calls naked-movie night. What's not to love about a couple of blankets thrown on the floor, an action-adventure in the DVD player and your wife playing Eve to your Adam?
He is a chronic procrastinator and the only reason he accomplishes anything is because I'm a chronic worrier and have turned nagging into an art form.
That's a problem.
Isn't it?
As a Christian I am familiar with Proverbs 21:9, "Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome woman" and Proverbs 27:15-16, "A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping on a rainy day; restraining her is like restraining the wind or grasping oil with the hand."
I really, REALLY don't want to be that woman. You know the type. You see them at churches, in restaurants and at parks. The woman that has so browbeaten her husband he is pathetically docile and emasculated. The woman that looks harshly at her husband every time he displeases her. The woman that mocks him in front of people and derides him when they are alone.
The woman that exhausts him with endless demands and is never satisfied.
Am I that woman?
I don't know.
I don't have to be that woman.
I can change.
Sure, it would be nice if he changed, but I need to face facts. My husband has trouble compromising. He very rarely sees his fault in arguments and disagreements and I can count on one hand the number of times he has apologized to me over the course of our relationship.
Proverbs 15:1 (really, that book is so full of wisdom!) says, "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."
My husband is very rarely angry, but I wonder...if a gentle answer can turn away wrath maybe a bit of praise can encourage him to paint my bedroom.
Now, don't think this is all about what I can get him to do. That's a small part of it (okay a big part), but mostly I am interested in seeing if we can connect on a deeper level.
I feel like we've lost something. Passion, desire (and not merely the physical kind), an intense understanding of each other, that all-consuming love demonstrated in Song of Solomon.
I want more from my marriage than what I am getting.
The ball is in my court.
I have to do something because if I left it up to my husband he would wait until I was all shriveled up and creaky to change things.
As a Christian, all I know to do is be obedient to God.
So I'm going to run a little experiment.
I'm not going to tell him. That would place pressure on him to change instead of him being motivated to change because of the changes he sees in me.
I'm simply going to use The Love Verses, 1 Corinthians (see, not Proverbs!) 13:4-6 to guide my interactions with him.
I like projects. I have a dozen of them going on right now.
I think this one, though, is the most important.
This is the project that is going to change my life, my husband's life and the lives of my two little girls.
So, here goes.
I'm about to start the Corinthians Project.

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